The number 8 heart's desire number (calculated from the vowels of your name) may be one of the reasons you feel everything you want to do is blocked. The number 8 is about control, such as controlling ones own life. It is also about leading or managing groups of people to reach a common goal.

If a desire is fulfilled, then it is no longer a desire. In the case of a heart's desire number, which is part of a person's name, a person tends to view things in a way that justifies the existence of the heart's desire. The name is what it is. The number is what it is.

Which may be why you feel you are so unfortunate. Yet, the fact is, you finished your masters. Which is a grand accomplishment. There is nothing trivial about that. It is a lot of work and a lot of studying and a lot of persistence. And you did it.

Still, your mention of that accomplishment is bounded by statements of how things are not going very well.

Maybe this will work for you:

Because your heart's desire is to be in control of your life, you will feel that desire. A desire continues to exist so long as it is unfulfilled. Because it is your name number, the desire will persist.

Consider that the desire will continue to exist on its own, without your active strengthening of it.

Instead of dwelling on all the reasons you are not in control, things may go better by focusing on the many positive things in your life.

Follow your feelings of excitement with integrity. Let your feelings of excitement guide you.

Following ones feelings of excitement and rightness is actually being in control, but passive control. It is one way to be in control of ones life when overt control is elusive or entirely blocked.

The reason following ones feelings of excitement with integrity is being in control, albeit passive control, is because the excitement is within you. It is yours. It changes as you change. You are using your own excitement to guide your own life.

Trust your feelings. They are always right. However, and do remember this, although feelings are always right, they can be misinterpreted.

Misinterpretation can happen because of any number of reasons, including not trusting the feeling, thinking there is no logic to it, or thinking it is taking you somewhere other than your goals.

That's why it is imperative the feelings are followed always with integrity. Understand the feelings as they are, not as a logical mind says they should be.

For this to work, it is necessary to focus on the positive. Don't ignore the negative, nothing is gained by refusing to see the facts. But focus on the positive.

It will require practice. Overt control can be hard to set aside. Once you see some positive outcomes from passive control, I think you will be able to trust the process more and exchange even more overt control for passive control.

Regarding the numbers on the clock, double numbers generally mean the power of the doubled number is enhanced.

Because you see many different doubled numbers, no one or two numbers can be said to prevail.

Instead, it is the fact of doubling that I think is the message, indicating strong forces in your life, different kinds of forces just like there are different kinds of numbers. Lots of things going on, all intense. Some positive, some negative.

Consult your feelings to guide you through.